Today had one of the longest (and most productive) days of writing since I got back from Vermont.

Also, kind of nice to go with the hubby and write.

We went to down to The Ink Spot, the writing group/organization (San Diego Writers, Ink) that I work for and we both teach for downtown. Every other Sunday they have what they call, Room To Write, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. for members and provide a quiet space and tables and chairs and lots of light to write. If you live in San Diego you should really think about joining SDWInk!

After nearly four hours of working on a new scene in the book, I looked through my journal, the one I kept while in VT at the VSC.

Read through the notes I took when Amy Bloom, the visiting writer, gave her craft talk. Bloom is, in my humble opinion, a queen of the first line.

Here are some of the things I wrote down:

Make the characters come alive from the inside.

Create a dream the reader enters; the errors in syntax, form, character, etc., can destroy that dream.

The best novel strives to be like the best poem.

Character: see the world as he sees it.

And, if you spend the time to give them a name, they should also have a soul.

How does it feel inhabiting that world as that character?

They should sound like themselves, not like variations of YOU.

If you can’t imagine what it is a character does or says, don’t write about it.

A reader should encounter and create their own relationship with a character.

Always keep in mind:

1. Illuminating the character
2. Advancing the story
3. Giving a beautiful sentence

Don’t walk us through every moment—crossing the room, grabbing the door knob, etc.

Sometimes start with the very bare bones of a scene and then go back.

When you write, your loved ones, your audience, your parents are DEAD.

You make this good because it matters to YOU.

Read it aloud without inflection so you can hear every bad thing you’ve done.

Move a reader—like an actor—into and out of every scene.

Make your readers believe things really happened, even if it didn’t.

I’m really drawn back to the line: They should sound like themselves, not like variations of YOU.

So much of my writing has been autobiographical, even if loosely based on me or my life. And so I’m trying very hard to make this book, these characters, sound unlike anything else I’ve ever written. But I’m also wanting to move forward and not get hung up on lines and images in this first draft; so, gulp, I’m going to try to do a little bit of both. Work on language, but not get trapped and stopped up by the language—yet—so that I can press on and get through.

Been back from my residency in Vermont for two weeks now. Ooof, talk about withdrawal. Luckily, Ted made me dinners for the first two nights I was home (he was trying to ease me back into the real world; the world where three meals a day aren’t cooked for me and a world without continual access to a fully stocked salad bar).

It’s been a strange transition back. I had to jump into teaching again– though (sadly? happily?) only two classes. I guess sadly since It means less money. But I’ll be teaching a one night a week class for 5 weeks in March.

So I get back to teaching– two great classes, thank heavens. Get back to Ted. Get back to the kitties. Yes, Hermia is STILL alive–18 years 10 months, despite a few scares while I was gone and then one REALLY big scare last week involving too much insulin. Luckily she pulled through but not before I had said my teary goodbyes. A good dress rehearsal I suppose.

And now the writing. Getting back to it  has been tough. Mostly, I hope, because I’ve been so busy getting caught up with school. But there’s also just this whole transition back, out of that world where I had no responsibilities and could read for two hours and then write for two hours then read for two hours then write again.

Still, I came back with such incredible feedback and ideas about the book and more chapters. I’m ready to move forward with it. I also have decided i’m going to take a break every once in a while and write something short– a short story, an essay, a poem– in order to feel that sense of accomplishment more often. I miss that. I mean, I feel some sense of accomplishment when I finish a chapter or a really great scene or description or even line, but I miss the feeling of being done with something.

This week I revised a short story from several years ago; actually, I turned it into a short-short, in the hopes of sending it out to places. And i’ve got an idea for a short essay that I want to work on too– it involves this book, Shelley, Also Known As Shirley, a memoir by Shelley Winters (incidentally, it’s a book I first read when I was eleven. Do with that what you will…).

Is this procrastination? Is this going to keep me from my novel? Only time will tell, but I’m hoping not. I hope it will get me back into a regular routine of writing– like I had in Vermont. No make that a regular routine of CREATING.

I miss my Vermont friends. The snow. The fresh baked bread and chickpeas at the salad bar. But i’m glad to be home, too.

So much to say but my head is utterly pounding and the thoughts in my brain a-jumble — anxiety about travel tomorrow, the strange ritual of packing up after 5 weeks away, the  goodbyes to dozens of wonderful people. What is there to say? How to put it into words how important this residency was, how inspiring, how enlightening.

Some fragmented thoughts (Part 1):

I love snow (and it’s now snowing on our last night–yay!)

layering of clothes– forgot how fun it was to accessorize with a scarf–though I didn’t wear my hat as much as I should have (worried about bad hair)

learned so much about the characters in my book.

was inspired by the art and artists here: collage, painting, sculpture, jewelry, print making

decided I really want to buy a print-maker, print press (anybody have an old one they don’t want?)

felt pangs of jealousy that I wasn’t an artist making paintings or sculptures or other visual art

dance parties are fun again

in a pinch Jim Beam will do nicely

really worked on voice and language in my book

VSC has probably the nicest, funniest chef i’ve ever had the pleasure of working with (Go Mark!)–as well as everyone else in the kitchen.

Leni Zumas is my new favorite writer. If you haven’t read her, go out and get her book Farewell Navigator NOW.

People here were very interested in my book. WHEWWW!

I learned some new collage techniques, including ‘tearing.’

Learned the word Gesso. Also ‘underpainting.’

Ate a lot of salad while here.

Crashed into a ditch/snow bank but was rescued by friendly Vermonters.

Saw sled dogs up close and personal!

Twirled around in a black dress while having my picture taken.

Washed about 17, 294 dishes (ok, I just rinsed them).

Made photograms with Rachael!

Finally got good use of my duckboots!

Missed Ted.

Missed the kitties.

discovered Green Mountain organic distilled Vodka (awesome martinis)

the founders and employees of VSC are the greatest

**more about my work at VSC later…

I shared the night with 4 other terrific writer residents: Phil, Louisa, Karen, and Anya. Phil and Anya also showed slides (actually Anya, a writer and performance artist, showed video).

Phil put up this photo of photographer Edward Steichen, which I found incredibly beautiful, it’s called Rodin the Thinker (Rodin Le Penseur 1902). Steichen was known for his “tonal, mood-filled, and mysterious canvases that were praised for their lyrical qualities.”

Furthermore, “he was associated with a style of photography known as Pictorialism. The Pictorialists felt that the aesthetic promise of photography lay in an emulation of painting. Steichen’s early work, then, adopted many Pictorialist techniques (a jiggled tripod, a lens bathed in glycerin, or various darkroom tricks) designed to produce “painterly” soft-focus effects. During this period, Steichen was also a painter, until he burned all his canvases in 1922.” [!!!!!<-- ed.]

I didn’t realize that  I had already seen Steichen’s works in these well known celebrity portraits of Garbo and Gloria Swanson.

Gorgeous.

The visiting writer, Leni Zumas, was a total gem. I met with her on Saturday morning and found her completely engaged and engaging; I felt as if she really understood my project, had really read the sample I sent her closely and thoughtfully and she had very clear specific feedback for me. During this residency i’ve been trying to focus on language–especially the voices of the characters and Leni honed in on that. After reading her story collection,  Farewell Navigator, I can see why: I want to call her prose ‘spare’ but I don’t know if that’s the right word. Because it isn’t really spare. The sentences are sharp and strange but also bold and beautiful, eerie (reminiscent of Mark Richard, one of my faves). Her turns of phrase are fresh and odd and stunning: “…the space between her eyes.”  “I am the leaver, the taker, the bringer.” “…the walls are wet on my palm.”

When she gave her craft talk we did the most inspiring writing activity involving words–new, bizarre, obscure words and phrases that then went on to spark ideas and more dazzling words from us. I hope she doesn’t mind but i’m going to use that activity in my own classes.

And though the week is not over yet (still have until Thursday–I leave VSC on Friday morning), this has been a perfect last week.

Cartoon courtesy of fabulous New Yorker artist Harry Bliss, with his permission. Thanks Harry!

Sure beats the one piece of mail I got last Friday (which were my Allergy and Cholesterol Rx’s). Though I did get a lovely care package from Ted two weeks ago (almost done with the JB Ted… hint hint).

Thank you to Kelli for the two hilarious cards and the dry erase board. I use a ton of paper a day writing notes as i’m working on my book here at VSC; here’s a photo of one page.

and here’s a photo of the movie mags from 1954 (the year my book is set) on my desk; I always work better when I have a picture of petite, husky-voiced actresses like June Allyson staring at me.

and then Jess sent me a postcard with a cool collage on it–which reminds me, I think we’re having collage night tonight (or maybe tomorrow night–the days and nights blur here).

Tonight, however, I DO know that Bread & Puppet Theater founder Peter Schumann is here looking scruffy and jolly. I’m so envious of the artists who get to meet with him. Tonight he’s giving a talk about his work. Can’t wait.

Last night a few more of the writers here gave a reading: Kimberly Dark, Matt Clark, and Eric Markowsky (as well as the Writing Director here, Gary Clark). Another great night; Kimberly read a brilliant piece from her Daddy series, Matt read a profile of an alien abductee , Eric read about the dead, and one of Gary’s poems referenced (or eluded to) Death in Venice.

Ok, back to the book. Funny that when I posted yesterday on Facebook that I was working on a sex scene I got 13 comments. Sex is hard to write about. No pun intended. Really.

However, I found much joy and comfort with the arrival of Kimberly Dark ! She and I read together last summer in San Diego. And, surprise surprise… I walk into the lobby of the dining hall and there is Anthony Hawley– a Columbia MFA friend of mine. I had no idea he was going to be here, let alone that he was here as an artist! Very cool.

Oh, and here’s a better picture of the collage I made last week with the artists in Firehouse Studios.

and here’s the back of the card (we were all given a sentence or two from this obscure book and we had to create a collage based on the sentence/s). You try to make the connection between the collage and the sentence…

I also made some broadsides for the writers who left on Saturday. I took ads from some vintage (1954) movie magazines that I brought from home and then printed on them– in old typewriter font– a line or two from the writers’ readings. I forgot to take pictures of them except for this one, which was for Sarah C.

If you click on it you can see it bigger but the line is from Sarah’s story and reads:

“Rebecca couldn’t sleep for fear of the wolf”

and the ad is for Lustre Creme shampoo and featuring actress Debra Paget.

My writing is going well here. But the more I write, the more I see what a BIG project my book is, and that it is something that is really going to take some time.Whenever I tell people here at VSC about they book they all say it sounds great but sounds like a lot of work.

Hmpf.

It is a lot of work, and I wonder if i’m in over my head writing about a time, place, people, world, I don’t really know (but isn’t that what writing is all about?). I think about writers like David Ebershoff, who wrote the exquisite The Danish Girl. I’m sure he wasn’t an expert on Transgenders or on 1920s Copenhagen and 1930s Dresden. Still, David Ebershoff is pretty brilliant, probably bordering on genius (I should know, I worked as his research assistant for another book while in NYC).

Part of me thinks I should work on something else–like stories, in addition to this book (not while i’m here, but when I get back), or maybe I should try to write essays about what i’m writing the book about; short pieces about the film i’m writing about– for journals and magazines. Something to ‘finish’ as it were–to allow myself the feeling of accomplishing something every once in a while. The scrap of satisfaction for a job well done. Because I just don’t see me finishing this for a long time. Anyway, getting a good draft of this out here at VSC, and really working on character development, and that’s what’s important.

And, thankfully, still have all of the other wonderful residents and faculty here at VSC– folks like Tracy, Rachel, Marin, Tatiana, Matt, Jonathan, Ariana, Jang Soon, JoAnna, Marcie, JT, Jason, Louisa, Eric, Bruce, Nick, Sang-hee, Steven, Lia, Giordanne, Kristie, Nicole, JC, Kim, etc etc (lots of names I still don’t know!). <–CLICK THE NAMES AND SEE THESE AMAZING ARTISTS AND WRITERS!!

So, 2 more weeks (well, really only about 11 days).

So for now, here’s some random pics from VSC–including a couple of collages from collage night and the boots outside the writers’ studios.

Just a quick note.

An hour ago was in my studio trying to get the printer to work and then Sarah-smile from upstairs came down to help me and then Abby-pie came over too and we got to talking about love and dating and boys and girls and queer and straight and Vermont Studio Center and reality TV shows and Trans crushes and I’m oh so sad that they are leaving at the end of the week.

And then I went back to my work and I dunno but I had some sort of breakthrough with a chapter I’ve been struggling with here. A whole new start for the chapter. A whole new avenue into this character and some of his interior, his secrets, his world.Found a way to allude to both his past and to give some insight (or inciting incident?) for his future.

Wow. Sometimes just taking a step back or a step away, and then also taking some time to interact with others and hug and have someone lay across your knees and say real things with real people, smart, creative, loving, honest people can open you up a little more so that the clouds and rain (or snow, in this case) can seep out and the sunshine can warm you even if it’s just the top of your head or your shoulder blades or the tip of your tongue.

Thank you Sarah and Abby.

And last night 7 of the writers here at VSC read from their work: Sarah G, Jason Koo, Lois, Abby, Scott, Nancy, and Sarah C.

Poems and stories about Scepters and tadpoles and your Id and icicles and cats and holding on and square dancing and pianos and wolves on other mountains. Wonderful wonderful. Inspiring.

*Snow in a can was not my idea– it was my brilliant, supercool dish-duty partner, painter Lauren (another post).

I tried putting the beer out in the snow but if you forget about it you end up with Guinness slushy, which is actually kind of tasty, but very very cold.

So began Amy Bloom’s reading of her story “By and By” from her new book (out this month) of stories: Where the God of Love Hangs Out.

The story was dark, haunting. About a missing/murdered girl–and those she left behind. About the body and what happens to it in death, after death, because of death. Very graphic, disturbing, somber, but beautiful. We were all pretty speechless after. When she asked if there were any questions the room was pretty much silent (rare for an audience of writers and artists of all types); our mouths slightly open. The story still resonating (and still resonating longer… after I went back to my room and sat in bed; whereupon I read another story of Amy’s “A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You” from the collection of the same name).

We (the writers here at VSC) had a round-table discussion with Amy where we asked her questions about writing– struggles, frustrations, ideas. She was direct, to the point, tough, funny, no bullshit.

I didn’t meet with Amy individually as some of the other writers did. I’m here for 3 more weeks and so I’ll be meeting with the next one in a couple of weeks. I’d like to give her, Leni Zumas, something new from my book that I’m working on now. We’ll see. I don’t know Leni, but from her website (and the praise from the Writing Director here) she sounds pretty cool; she’s working on a memoir incorporating experimental fiction… sort of what I’m doing with my book.

Well, about my writing here: it was slow going, I have to admit, the first couple of days. It still is, at times. I spent a lot of time the first day arranging my office, going through my books and research documents, going to the window in my writing studio, looking out at the snow, feeling a little strange, lost. Overwhelmed. Unsure. But I’ve seemed to settle in. And everyone here is so nice, smart, approachable. So interested and interesting. Thursday had a good long day of writing. Friday notsomuch. But today has been good, too. Even though the sun has finally come out and the sky is soft creamy blue like a 1950s cardigan.

Voice. It’s all about voice this week–specifically the voice of one of my main characters/narrators. I am moving closer to getting his voice down and getting inside his head and for that i’m really happy. It’s been a long time coming but I think spending time thinking about this character without any interruptions and trying out different words and phrasings on the page and in my mind and verbally has helped. I think about him–this character– all the time these days. Ideas come to me when I’m walking through the snow, across the bridge where the little river is slowly slowly closing up from the ice so that it looks kind of like a zipper–it’s teeth meshing, coming together, ideas come to me at night in my room, so much so that I jump out of bed to jot down notes on a little skinny pad, when i’m brushing my teeth in our cold bathroom. I want to be totally consumed with this character. I want to see everything through his eyes (as Amy told us)–so that every move, every gesture, every word of dialogue, every thought in his head is a true one.

Some photos of my writing studio.

And some new photos of VSC and Johnson VT– more are on my flickr page (the cemetary above is in Johnson VT too).